Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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