I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
