The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
