She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
