Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
