i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
