Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
