i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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