the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
