thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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