We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
