And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
