that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
