you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize