Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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