Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
