i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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