just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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