Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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