Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
