just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
