please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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