I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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