she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
