Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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