I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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