i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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