if you like me you must not know who I am
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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