I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
