Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need a burrito and a hug.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
