So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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