I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
