I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
