It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
