i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
