Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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