I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
