Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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