Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
