K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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