i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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