Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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