I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
