you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
