I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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