dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
