she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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