I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
