dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
