She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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