I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
