Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
