I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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