I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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