I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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