sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
