i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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