My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
