Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
