My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
