btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize