I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
