i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He passed out mid-signature
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
