I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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