I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
