nut hugger
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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