So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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