Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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