Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
