so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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