Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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